The above stats are reported from the website of the National Institute of Mental Health in their section on suicide. Now, I don't mean to start off my blog in a bleak and depressing way, but what you'll come to find is that I'm pretty in your face blunt with the real talk and honesty. I consider myself one of the lucky ones. I've spent years mentally torturing myself about not wanting to live, and thinking my family would be better off if I were dead. At one point, I was getting ready to leave behind a young child and husband because I didn't think my existence held any value to them. My mind was torn into two and at a constant war within itself. So much so, I started having extreme migraines, and an MRI showed damage from over four decades of severe mental illness.
At the peak of my bipolar-depressive episode, I was left paralyzed. In my head, I wanted to die with no will to live whatsoever, yet I did not have the physical ability to take my own life. It's a blessing in disguise. Not everyone with a mental illness attempts suicide. Even people who are depressed to the point of no longer wanting to live. Some way, some how they find a tiny shred of last ditch energy to make it through another day. And that my friends was me. I had no idea what was going on with me. I knew I was depressed. I knew I wanted to die. I had no idea I was bipolar, and suffering for multiple identities, but I can thankfully say that I have never had a suicide attempt ever in my life. Please if you are reading this, and have a legitimate plan to end your life.... Please pick up the phone and dial 911. You are worth more than you realize!!!
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AuthorI'm blogging about my mental health journey along with my various life struggles that go along with having a variety of "holes in my umbrella" in life. Archives
March 2022
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